Reigniting the Spark

February 2007

Many parents notice increased tension in their relationship once children arrive. With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, Nurse Rona Renner, host of the radio show Childhood Matters and the parenting expert for the Bay Area Discovery Museum, suggests ways to help regain friendly relations and “reignite the spark” with your parenting partner.

Q. I knew parenting would be hard work, but I didn’t anticipate the toll it would take on my relationship with my partner. Any advice?

A. The responsibilities of parenting can effect even the strongest marriage or relationship. When you’re trying to juggle a job, keep up the house and take care of kids, it’s easy to get resentful and find yourself arguing with your partner, which is something you really don’t want to do in front of your children.

Here is a checklist for you both to review. Implementing even some of these tips can help you maintain – or regain -- friendly relations:

• Recognize when you’re angry or feel your stress rising. Take a few minutes to cool off and figure out what you’re really feeling.

• When you come home, give your partner a kiss or hug before you start to complain.

• Plan time to nurture your relationship. Try for a weekly date or make a point to spend time together after the kids are asleep.

• Give positive feedback and be specific about what you appreciate.  Thanking your partner for making dinner or taking charge of the kids makes a difference.

• Take care of yourself. If things are getting out of hand, you can call for help. It’s okay to seek support if the relationship really isn’t working out.

In the stress of the everyday, parents can often find themselves with a short fuse. But remember that you chose each other for a reason and, because of your children, you are partners in the truest sense.  So let the house get dusty, order in pizza, forget whatever he did or she didn’t do, and enjoy each other this Valentine’s Day. You deserve it! 

Rona Renner, RN, hosts the parenting radio show Childhood Matters, every Sunday from 9-10 AM on 98.1 KISS-FM.  Do you have a question about parenting? Sleep?  Setting limits or dealing with temper tantrums?  Send it to asknurserona(at)badm.org.